Guide to Role Model College Admissions Essays Sarah O'Neill Chester County Teacher Supreme Editing

 Sarah O’Neill Chester County Teacher Editor Supreme Editor

Guide to Role Model Essays
Tell us about a person who influenced you.

Example Prompts

Select a leader you admire from your local community. Explain your selection and give examples of how they demonstrate effective leadership. –Wharton LBW Summer Program

Describe a peer who is making a difference in your school or community. What actions has that peer taken? How has their work made a difference in your life?
–UNC

What They’re Actually Asking

● What are your values?
● What have you learned from your role model?
● How do you emulate your role model’s positive qualities?

Example Essay

“Go into the red,” I told myself as I looked at the wall at the top of the mountain, my eyes stinging with sweat. This shade of red was unique, not as dark as the color in my paint palette nor as bright as the scarlet leather fabric on my workbench. I had never seen that kind of red, with hues of golden, brown, and white. Until this day, I was always finding ways to escape from the family activity of visiting buddha. Now, I found myself
completely intrigued by this sacred world. My grandmother is Buddhist, and I remember the candles, sutras, and the figure of buddha from the first time I ever visited her house.

During my childhood summers, she would take me to bow down to the buddha each day at sunrise, always getting up in the early morning hours to set all the candles and recite the sutra. A believer in practical efforts, I didn’t understand the meaning of this tedious work and despised the unrealistic Buddhist practice to make wishes. She didn’t notice my negative emotion and felt so pleased when I tried to read one or two words of the sutra. However, I would still find different excuses to refuse the invitation to visit her house.

During the Chinese Spring Festival’s necessary family reunion, she finally found the opportunity to take our entire family to the temple. Standing inside all night on New
Year’s Eve, listening to chanting sutras amid the illuminated candles, I was exhausted and dizzy, as were my other family members — except my grandmother. Through her efforts, she successfully pulled my mother into her alliance, and during the summer of 2019, my mother organized a family trip to the buddha journey in Shanxi. Although I understood their intentions, I was overwhelmed by the thought of climbing the steep
mountain. “It took one of my friends four months from Sichuan to Tibet on foot. After resting for one day, he spent 11 months walking to India,” a sagacious monk told us in a temple under the mountain, “and he banged his head on every step he took.”

Incredibly shocked, I stared at the monk and questioned the credibility of the story. He gave me a cup of tea with a gentle smile. This legendary experience only existed as a mystery in
my mind before our mountain journey. I never thought that one day I would be able to witness a person on this pilgrimage, day after day, for one’s beliefs. The story struck my heart, and I suddenly realized the meaning of holding a belief. For some it is religious, for others it is their passion, and for me it is art. These views bring color and meaning to
life and are the reason people can persist with energy, passion, and hope.
Striding up the path to the temple at the top of the mountain, my mother held my hands, and stayed beside me. The monk’s words kept replaying in my mind.

Observing my mom climb the same steep slope with me, I realized that it was challenging for her to reach the top. Gratitude towards her and my grandmother rose from the bottom of my heart. Realizing their consistent contribution to our family, their tenacity and passion began to shine, and I felt shame for my previous contempt of their beliefs.

The wooden bracelet around my wrist danced beautifully in the sunlight as my mom and I walked side by side. It became more than a gift from my grandma, and now tied my heart to my family. Looking at the bracelet, I was filled with courage and determination to reach the top of the mountain together. My journey to experience Buddhism was more than a trip, but a greater understanding of the two women in my family who have taught me the value of persistence and passion in life.

What Should I Write About?

The prompts for Role Model essays are often unintentional traps for writers. Students will write compelling essays that fit the prompt exactly… but they’ll forget to include themselves in the essay at all.

Even if you’re being asked to write great things about another person, remember that your role model isn’t the person applying to this college. Admissions essays, even role model essays, should still be about you!
So, how do you write a role model essay about yourself?

One great way is to think about how your role model positively influenced or inspired you. Did your history club president teach you how to lead a group? Did you improve your communication skills after observing your classmate Jake organize his ideas in AP World History? Did your grandma inspire you to become an activist? How has your role model’s work made a difference in your life?
Yes, use their name!

Some students — especially when they name a peer as their role model — are reluctant to actually write that peer’s name in their essay, instead referring to their role model as “that girl,” “our student council president,” etc without ever naming their role model. If your essay is more than a few sentences long, this quickly becomes confusing to read. Admissions will not be Googling your role model; it’s OK to use your role model’s first
name, at least!

Brainstorming

1. Come up with a list of 3 or more role models that fit your prompt. Why is this person your role model? What have they done to inspire you?

Role Models

● My mom — she’s always there for me and has been supportive of my
interests, even when I don’t believe in myself
● My classmate Sheila — she’s the captain of my soccer team and always stays behind after practice to help me improve my skills
● My film club advisor Ms. Wei — she’s dedicated and spends lots of time
after school helping us, and she also gave me lots of advice on how to
lead a group as film club president

2. When picking your role model, think about what you want to say about
yourself in this essay. In this essay, I want to focus on my leadership skills, so I’ll pick my film club advisor to be my role model.

3. Write down your memories of a time your role model did something that helped or inspired you.

- Stayed after class for 3 hours every week to help our club
- Gave me good advice on how to resolve a group conflict
- Taught me how to best assign roles in a group
- Led by example — always made sure we fully understood a concept, made
us comfortable with asking questions and was very patient

4. Finally, how have you changed as a result of your role model’s influence?

Ms. Wei inspired me to be more patient with others, taught me specific
leadership skills and made me more interested in becoming a teacher myself one day.

Example Outline

Part 1: Introduce your role model! One great way to do this is with a scene
demonstrating a time you saw them demonstrate the qualities that you look up to. (See brainstorming part 3.)

As I sat in the school chapel and heard Darius Wagner’s motivating and
influential senior speech about him being himself, I couldn’t help but reflect on all the times this peer has brought out the best in me.

Part 2: Why is this person your role model? What are their good qualities? I first met him in my 10th grade World History class, where his courage to
answer questions that left everyone else in an awkward silence, stuck with me. He is a true leader, daring to speak, act, and represent. Since then, I have looked up to him as a role model. I have silently observed his leadership in our school and wished for his skills. Darius ambitiously answered the call for leadership in his affinity group.

His passion as a leader often brings out the best in those who follow him. From confidently announcing meeting dates at school meetings to organizing events for both his affinity group and our school, it was no surprise that Darius Wagner made it as one of St. Mark’s chief student leaders.

Part 3: Wrap up by telling us how you’ve changed as a result of their influence. How has this person brought out your positive qualities?

Darius Wagner is a force of nature that inspires others to try their best and take advantage of their opportunities, including me. As I saw his active participation and pride in our school, I wanted to be just like him. I sought out and joined competitive sports teams and led a volunteering organization for students, in hopes of leading and inspiring others, just like Darius Wagner.

THANK YOU FOR READING!

Sarah O’Neill Chester County Teacher Coatesville Supreme Editing