Writing the Common App Essay and Supps for UPenn (with authentic samples) Sarah ONeill

Sarah ONeill, Supreme Editing, Coatesville

UPenn Excerpt 

At the University of Pennsylvania, the admissions team is eager to learn about you—your passions, strengths, challenges, and how these elements shape you into a unique individual ready to grow and contribute to the Penn community. They closely examine your words, as they offer a window into your thinking, values, and worldview. Through your writing, Penn seeks to understand the voice, creativity, and contributions you’ll bring to their vibrant campus.

Penn encourages students to reflect on themselves, their communities, and their interests. Your voice matters. They aim to cultivate a campus that mirrors the world around them, welcoming students from diverse backgrounds and perspectives.

As highlighted by the UPenn admissions team:

"Penn seeks to learn about your passions, strengths, challenges, and interests, and how these come together to make you a distinct individual who will actively grow and contribute to the Penn community. Ideal candidates are inspired by our founder Benjamin Franklin’s vision, applying their knowledge in ‘service to society,’ impacting not only our community but the city of Philadelphia and the broader world."

When crafting your essays, let your authentic self shine. Showcase how your extracurricular commitments reflect your unique contributions to your community. Discuss the depth of your involvement and the impact you’ve made. Successful applicants often weave together personal stories and reflections that highlight their commitment to learning and service. These stories resonate through specific imagery, rich detail, and creative connections to Penn’s values.

An exemplary essay flows seamlessly from one idea to the next, using clear transitions and connections to drive the reader toward a meaningful conclusion. Applicants demonstrate curiosity about the world and how their interests align with Penn’s academic offerings.

COMMON APP ADMITTED UPENN ED

There were three things I was sure about at eight years old. One: rainbows brought good luck. Two: strawberry ice cream was delicious. Three: I would be an actress someday. While the first two were set in place, however, I had to dream up a plan for the last one. In my young mind, if I was to catch my big break as Hollywood’s latest Snow White in a live-action remake, I’d have to get involved in the theatre.

[The FEISTY GIRL begins her journey.] 

When I first saw myself in the mirror wearing StageCoach studio’s suggested attire - a sunshine-yellow tee with dusky black leggings - my dimples hurt from smiling. My joy only grew as we put on four spectacular shows of Alice in Wonderland. I had nabbed the role of Alice and felt as if I had been given the world. It was everything I thought it would be. I twirled the iconic blue dress, amused the audience with humorous lines, and danced with a bounce in my step. Through the sea of applause, the stage was my vessel. 

   [The CONFIDENT GIRL confronts adversity.]

A few months later, I had my eye on an upcoming Christmas play. Its female lead - who, coincidentally, had my name (Emma) - was witty, smart, and altruistic. After reading her first scene, I knew I just had to play her. So after much preparation, my name was called at auditions. I pranced to the stage with my ponytail confidently swinging and ran through my lines just like I had dreamt of before bed. Feeling proud, I held my chin high in my chair until the next actress stepped on stage. This girl was captivating. Flawless. When she was finished and the director exclaimed “perfect!”, I knew it was over for me. Begrudgingly, I adopted the wings of a forgettable Angel #2.

 [The DISHEARTENED GIRL discovers treasure.]

During the first few rehearsals, I hated my lack of experience, the minor role, and my clumsy footwork, but eventually…I hated how much I enjoyed it. It felt natural to move my body to the flowing music, expressing myself through actions as opposed to using words. Slowly but surely, my dedicated time to acting was soon used up by dancing. In the end, our Christmas play was one to remember with festive decor, nostalgic music, and a fantastic lead. As for me, dancing as Angel #2 was the most fun I’d had on stage ever. There were no before-show jitters or fears of forgetting my lines. I had uncovered my corner of the universe.

[The PASSIONATE GIRL finds her home.]

You can still find me on stage today, except instead of wearing a dress, I wear a tutu. Coincidentally, I still got to live out some of my “Disney” dreams. Throughout the years, I’ve told the stories of Sleeping Beauty’s Aurora, the Sugar Plum Fairy, and even Little Swan #4. But my best role to date has been myself. At the ballet studio, I perfect my technique and strengthen my muscles but even more so, I find myself. Through dance, I’ve learned that I strive to progress from each day to the next, I flourish in curious and creative environments, and I connect best with audiences and comrades alike through compassion. 

There are three things I am sure about at seventeen years old. One: I adore ballet. Two: strawberry ice cream is still delicious. Three: every crest and trough will get me exactly where I need to be.

[The SATISFIED GIRL never leaves the stage.]

SUPPLEMENTAL ESSAYS

Write a short thank-you note to someone you have not yet thanked and would like to acknowledge. (We encourage you to share this note with that person, if possible, and reflect on the experience!) (150-200 words)

Miss Julia,

Eight years ago, a jittery little girl hopped over the threshold to your ballet studio with a leotard too loose for her body and a very messy bun. I lingered in the back, terrified of making a fool of myself, but my fears melted away when your bright smile shone on all of us.  Although I couldn’t touch my toes or fully mimic your movements, I felt entirely in control of my body for the first time. My mother said I could quit if I wished, but I was back the following week.

After each class, I perfected a double pirouette, pointe shoes, and oversplits but, above all, I learned how to communicate differently. As you danced, your quiet demeanor exuded power and grace. One calm afternoon, you taught me how to do the same. “Stories of fearless, passionate women are trapped in your choreography, Emma,” you said. “The only way for their stories to be told is through you.” This changed me, and I want to thank you for those words. 

My parents hoped you’d correct my posture and clumsiness, but you've done so much more by encouraging me to strengthen my voice. 

Forever Grateful

How will you explore community at Penn? Consider how Penn will help shape your perspective and identity, and how your identity and perspective will help shape Penn. (150-200 words)

Layers of past experiences shape my identity. I am Chinese-Canadian and, being so, I am proud of our fragrant dishes, my auburn hair, and our holiday festivities. At Penn’s Asian Pacific Student Coalition, I could share all that I am. This coalition enables its students to voice their concerns and fight for social justice with the ultimate goal of celebrating Asian Pacific culture. I picture myself sharing a batch of my dad’s famous pork and chive dumplings as we discuss our newest ideas on the anonymous message board or at the multicultural music festival.  

I also value putting public good over private greed. As the president of my high school’s Environmental Alliance Club, I’ve collaborated with school officials to host yard sales, bottle drives, and community clean-ups for student volunteers. Every small action helps, and I’m ready to broaden my impact on environmental activism by becoming a part of Penn’s Student Sustainability Association and its Climate Action Plan to reach 100% carbon neutrality by 2042. It is ambitious, but it is compassion at its finest. I am determined to help them succeed by using Penn’s ample academic facilities for sustainability research.

Considering the specific undergraduate school you have selected, describe how you intend to explore your academic and intellectual interests at the University of Pennsylvania. (300-450 words)

The College of Arts and Sciences represents everything I want to explore. At my core, I am a life-long learner grounded in sums and statistics. I love the certainty of the sciences, having one correct answer for each question on a math test, procedural experiments, and reaching reasonable conclusions through data and analysis. I am most drawn to physics because it describes the behavior of the world around me through numbers and formulae. At UPenn, I am excited to further my learning in classical and modern physics while exploring their unique applications. In courses such as “PHYS 3314: Ocean-Atmosphere Dynamics and Implications for Future Climate Change,” I’d challenge my preconceived understanding of applied physics and push myself toward innovative, sustainable projects. Although physics is traditionally male-dominated, I will have the support of strong female professors and the Women in Physics Club at UPenn. I cannot wait to discuss supermassive black holes with Professor Mariangela Bernardi and share her insightful, inspiring thoughts at the latest WiP study session. 

I am inquisitive and often ponder ways to better understand the world around me with a more abstract method. To do this, I turn to the arts. My eyebrows shoot up in surprise when I come to the same conclusion as one of the fathers of philosophy, such as Machiavelli’s “fickle” beings or Cicero’s “just war thinkers.” I scour my brain for more profound thoughts when I read an opinion I disagree with. I’m grateful for the lack of right and wrong because it’s a more realistic lens through which to look at the world. The philosophy curriculum at UPenn is full of possibilities. Eye-catching courses that push philosophy to its limit, such as “PHIL 1343: Environmental Ethics,” “PHIL 1800: Philosophy of Science,” and “PHIL 4360: Sports as Legal Systems: An Investigation into Law and Legal Thinking” will allow me to explore foreign philosophical concepts through familiar lenses. 

For me, physics and philosophy come together to form the exact intellectual combination I am seeking at the collegiate level. Penn encourages my pursuit of both subjects through the Double Major program. I anticipate breaking barriers, thinking critically and creatively, and fully immersing intellectually at Penn.

Sarah ONeill, Supreme Editing, Coatesville