How to Write the CMU (Carnegie Mellon University) Essays Sarah ONeill Coatesville

 Sarah ONeill Supreme Editing Coatesville, PA 

CMU Excerpt

CMU is looking for “What-ifers”, “Why not-ers” and “difference-makers who are furiously curious, deeply driven, wants to make life better for all humankind)

https://www.cmu.edu/admission/admission/admission-consideration

CMU is looking for the furiously curious kind. The deeply driven kind. The kind who wants to make life better for all humankind. And Carnegie Mellon is the kind of place to make it happen.

According to CMU admissions (via their website):

Essays should highlight experiences or activities that have enhanced or defined your personal growth during high school. Focus on non-academic interests, including extracurricular involvement, part-time jobs, family commitments, hobbies and community engagement, collaboration, perseverance, passion, advocacy for others and self-direction. Essays should  reflect on the university’s values and core competencies, including diversity, equity, inclusion, collaboration, communication, community engagement, concern for others, self-directed learning and critical thinking. Show that you have motivated and challenged yourself within your secondary school environment.  Think creatively about your experiences in and out of the classroom.

In history, the types of students admitted consisted of applicants who can tell a compelling and creative story that includes. emotional life transition, pertinent dialogue, and a profound message to which all readers can relate. The essay should detail an important transition or change in one’s life and the writer’s final acceptance of it. A the sample essay uses dialogue well and sparingly (not as the main force of the story), to make the story come to life. Finally, a good essay will come full circle (connecting the conclusion to the introduction). Successful essays may also connect to what CMU has to offer and to the broader context (society, nation, world). 

Supplemental Essay Example: 

Prompt: Consider your application as a whole. What do you personally want to emphasize about your application for the admission committee’s consideration? Highlight something that’s important to you or something you haven’t had a chance to share. Tell us, don’t show us (no websites please). (300 word maximum)

When I was a child, my mom and I visited our local Children's Welfare Center. I watched admiringly as she donated diapers and snacks, unsure how to get involved. Then, three years ago, a local organization helping underprivileged children caught my eye.

These children, born with developmental disabilities like autism spectrum disorder and down syndrome, were abandoned by their biological families and raised by the organization. Most missed out on school and social programs due to cost and stigma. I decided to work with Children’s Welfare Center to invite local children and families to make lanterns for the Lunar New Year.

Some children were talkative, while others focused on making their lanterns. When a boy with autism declined to shake a volunteer’s hand, his mom explained that he seldom interacts with other children, encouraging me to continue talking to him, bringing him together with another boy. The two of them sat quietly together in the corner until they were sharing and smiling at what they were making. At the end, they proudly displayed their lanterns and to his mother’s surprise, the boy shook hands with his new friend.

Volunteering has profoundly affected my life, and I feel compelled to advocate for those who society tends to overlook. During the pandemic, I organized volunteers and designed new activities for these children, like decorating trees and painting murals, which allowed them to socialize and express creativity. I noticed that the children were gaining confidence and growing more comfortable, which is a reward that is hard to put into words.  They have shown me that I can make meaningful contributions to my community.

Sarah ONeill Coatesville Supreme Editing