How To: Stanford University Admissions Essay with Sample and Analysis / Sarah O’Neill Chester County Supreme Editing

 Common Application Essay Admitted by Stanford University

I shield my eyes from the dazzling stage lights as I curiously peer out from behind the curtains. The Theater Hameln is packed, the audience murmuring excitedly as they wait for the Viktoria-Luise-Gymnasium summer concert to begin.

Backstage, restless students practice their parts under their breaths or on imaginary instruments, and teachers anxiously call their classes together to give just one more piece of advice. One would think that I would be even more nervous. As an exchange student, performing in front of so many

people thousands of miles away from home, my heart should be pounding against my ribs. Yet I find myself content, as I turn away from inspecting the audience and navigate through throngs of people to return to the dressing room.

In my short lifetime, I have already performed on countless stages, from school auditoriums to Carnegie Hall in New York City. Rather than nervousness, I feel a growing satisfaction with every performance. I am grateful to be able to express myself while I am onstage — to connect with my audience, my fellow musicians, and even composers of centuries past. The universal language of music is one that everyone can understand and enjoy; it transcends human differences and even time.

“Kila la kheri!” my half-Kenyan host sister says cheerfully when I pass by her practicing with her partner.

I grin back at her and give her a thumbs-up, remembering how quickly we became friends as we taught each other phrases of our favorite songs on the first day we met. “Jia you!”

When I started playing violin and piano at the age of four, I was immediately captivated by the realization that I could create music from my own hands, just as I could with my voice. In orchestra and choir, starting in elementary school, I discovered that the richness of sound a group of musicians could produce was much more appealing than the sound of a soloist. Music forges lasting bonds of friendship between fellow musicians, the genuine camaraderie that results from a team working towards a common goal as equals.

I have also witnessed the healing power of music through my experiences serving my community. As president of my school’s Medical Bioscience Academy, I led groups of students in singing Christmas carols at local senior homes; seeing the senior citizens with smiles on their time-worn faces never failed to brighten my spirits. As a musician in the Triangle Youth Philharmonic, I performed at WakeMed Children’s Hospital, eager to help the children forget their sicknesses even for just a short time. Even in Germany, as an intern in a physical therapy practice for children, I cheered the patients up at the end of an exhausting session by teaching them simple songs.

The stage and the music I perform are my escape from demanding schedules and intense academic competition. It has taught me teamwork, knowing when to let my part soar above the rest of the ensemble and when to provide support for another part of the ensemble to have its turn to shine. It has made me a more effective leader and a more sensitive person overall.

“Hey, let me fix your earrings for you,” my best friend says when I walk into the dressing room. She’s a small Vietnamese girl with a powerful voice who has helped me rehearse for my performances with the choir and my music class, as well as my solo piece, a soothing Japanese ballad.

The concert goes by too quickly for my liking, and soon I’m standing on stage by myself, my last performance in Germany. As my voice crescendoes to the second chorus of the ballad, a small smile touches my lips unbidden as the truth of the words I sing resonates within me.

“Everyone searches for a place that can heal their sadness and loneliness. For you, that place is here.”

Counselor’s Notes & Analysis

The writer of this Stanford University admission’s essay above clearly demonstrates three strengths: engaging imagery through strong diction, a dominant overarching messages, and a wrap-around story.

First, the writer’s use of engaging imagery hooks the reader throughout the entire narrative. It begins with the vivid description of the “dazzling lights” on the stage in Germany, then moves backwards to flashbacks as a child in a smooth way so the reader can imagine the speaker playing violin amongst friends. The discussion of bonds also places an image in the reader’s mind of a band and the collaboration that exists while in performance. Effective imagery allows the reader to visualize these settings and it moves the reader along with the person in the narrative. The reader is invited into this part of the narrator’s life: one full of music and people. The reader feels more poignantly what the narrator feels all the way from the current experience on stage to the band playing collaboratively back to the stage in Germany. If it were not for the adjectives and strong verbs such as the grinning host sister, and even the earrings and the speaker’s own smile, the readers may not move along as smoothly with the narration.

Second, this admission’s essay interweaves two overarching messages both bluntly and implicitly. The two messages are that music brings people together but also that this narrator embodies humble leadership skills overall. For instance, the statement that the narrator finds a sort of “healing power” in music lets the reader know that this particular talent is an integral part of the narrator’s existence. To find harmony in the playing, in the performances and in the other musicians around her, tell readers that she has found something extra special. It is important for universities to know that you as the writer will share your talents and your passions with them. Also, other big overarching message is that the narrator is a leader both in the band but also in other areas of her life. But, she is not a sole leader who does not involve others. This leader understands the importance of asserting herself when it is needed but also hanging back when she must. This demonstrates her strength and humility. This is a very strong theme, and it a very effective image of this potential student to leave with an admission’s reader.

Third, the last resonating factor is that this admission’s essay is considered a wrap-around narrative. This means that it begins in a certain place, in a concert hall in Germany, but then there are a series of flashbacks and reflections. Finally, the narrator ends back where it began which is in Germany. The reason this is effective is that the story begins and ends in the same way but the wrap around ending allows for a very focused method of writing. It creates an equilibrium for the story rather than a chronological progression which can be typical. It also demonstrates this narrator’s skills as an effective writer and storyteller. Just remember, endings leave the reader with the most dominant impression, so a wrap-around reinforces the biggest strength of this essay.

Sarah O’Neill Chester County PA Supreme Editing